Well, how lovely that you’d like to read my blog, however you’ve followed an old link to it. You can find my blog, and current posts over at Blogger::
www.turvys.blogspot.com
Hope to see you soon.
Cara x
November 30, 2008
It is amazing what a few hours of relaxing can do. Today didn’t start well. For a start it was very cold – not quite freezing, but only a degree above it. Then I discovered that I’d left the chicken for today’s lunch over at my mums – and no time to defrost anything. No problem, I thought as I headed on out to the local farm shop – until I discovered the ‘closed’ sign on their gate. They used to open on a Sunday morning, but they must have changed their hours – something I hadn’t noticed on Friday when I’d last popped over! Okay – onto the local co-operative, only to discover they had no joints and no free range chicken. I just can not bring myself to purchase non free range poultry. I know it is more expensive – but that only challenges me to see exactly how far I can stretch one bird!
I really couldn’t justify a drive to the local supermarket either, particularly when my monthly shopping was only delivered on Friday night. So I headed home pondering what to serve my family, before remembering the small piece of beef that was left over from earlier in the week. With the food issue resolved, I could happily sit down to watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with the children. I’d forgotten just how much I love this film and cherrily sang along to all of the songs from it – not that I could remember all the words, but enough to impress both the children. The boy was a little embarrassed by my rendition of ‘Truely Scrumptious’ 
So much fun – embarrassing the children.
I’ve made a syrup sponge for pudding, the potatoes and parsnips are roasting in the oven and the carrots, green beans and broccoli are awaiting steaming. The batter for the yorkshire pudding is made and the gravy I’ve grabbed from the freezer from an earlier roast dinner. The laundry is done (I’ve got the joy of ironing it later), the fire is lit and ‘Little Dorrit’ is on in less than an hour. I’m feeling much perkier now after my earlier post too. Don’t you just love relaxed family Sundays?
November 30, 2008
… have passed since I dared to write about some of our troubles. I’ve had some very very lovely comments – particularly kind and thoughtful, and they have meant such a lot to both myself, but also my husband. It is fair to say that these last five days have been hard, and wearing and although I’ve so wanted to sit and write a blog post I just haven’t had the emotional strength to do so.
When I went to wake my son on Friday for school, he gave me a beaming smile and such a tight hug. How I kept the tears back was anyone’s guess. Finally I had that connection back with my son. We had a chat at the end of the day and he broke down in tears as he revealed that not everyone wants to play with him at break times now. I can understand that, and as a parent I’d be telling my child not to play with someone who was mean to him – but he is so full of remorse for the things he did. I could only hug him and tell him that things will get better in time.
Our daughter on the other hand still has anger that she was caught. In her world us catching her is ‘unfair’ and she didn’t ‘deserve’ to be caught. On a lucid, rational level she knows that stealing is wrong, but she feels she is justified in doing so because she was treated so appalingly by her birth family. It is almost like society deserves to have her behaving like this because they let her be born into the family she was. Our session with her therapist on Wednesday was interesting. She was totally dis-engaged, sitting there arms crossed and tapping her feet with annoyance. Friday we had a meeting with a social worker from the post adoption support team. It was a great meeting – helped massively that it is the same social worker that assessed us for adoption 6 years ago, and has known us ever since. She made a delightful comment that we are no longer just parenting – but that we are ‘extreme parenting’ (I’ve heard of extreme ironing), phew – so this isn’t quite normal then. You enter a phase thinking “is this me?” “can I really not cope with being a parent?”, so it was good to hear that this isn’t what most parents experience.
We’ve got an assessment with a child psychologist coming up, and it is thought that there are mental health issues which may require the assistance of a child psychiatrist and even residential schools are being muted. None of these are easy choices. They are hard to think about, hard to understand and painful to bear – but I need to do whatever I can to give my daughter the best opportunity to experience life, whilst not forgetting my son, my husband and me. It’s going to be a long road ahead.
November 25, 2008
I’m a grown woman and yet those 5 little words are enough to strike fear through me. I’d only gone to school to walk the children home.
As it turns out, I had not one, but both teachers who wanted to talk to me. It was one of those soul destroying conversations, interspersed with moments of hope. The teachers were absolutely fantastic. Both children have been stealing from school – and yes, I know children steal – but our daughter has been stealing prolifically for over 5 years now. Her brother appears now to have decided to join in. I understand that her need to steal comes from the traumatic abusive start she had at the hands of her birth family and that the willful neglect she has suffered has caused an absolute mistrust of adults, but that doesn’t make it easier to bear, or provide solace to her friends and classmates who she is stealing from.
The list of food and other items that the children have taken over the last few weeks is vast, a trip to the supermarket to replace the items cost over £30 – both class teachers have been outstanding and have handled the situation faultlessly. I can’t begin to put into words yet how I’m feeling about it all. I love both of my children dearly, I would indeed give them the world, and yet my love and faith in them is almost too much for them to bear. I’m feeling hurt and cross by their behaviour, and yet distraught at the amount of pain they are seemingly holding within. I don’t want to fail these two, beautiful, strong willed children, and yet right now I’m so very fearful that that is exactly what I’m going to do. I long for an un-eventful week, a week without violence or angry rages. I can’t believe that just 3 days ago I thought we’d hit a break-through, I should have known then that my post was enough to jinx things.
What I need most right now is time, time for me, time to rationalise my hopes and fears, time to rejuvenate and reduce my stress levels, and time is the thing I don’t have on my side right now. My business could take a back seat only that sewing provides me with a outlet, a focus for extra energies, and that to take a back seat now would only draw me backwards. My children don’t have time either, locked in to a school system that pushes them onwards, driving them towards adulthood at a time when they need to just be little children. Other adults see just two children. The reality is that whilst our children are 10 and 9 physically, mentally they are much much younger. Right now I’m needing that little glimmer of hope that things will get better, which is why I’ve included the picture of the two of them playing, carefree, on a rope swing in the woods back in May this year. I just need to remember that right now.
Edited to add:: Whilst everything seems very dark right now, I do have a guardian angel, lighting my way. Thank you Gretel.
November 24, 2008
Well I gave up looking for the camera lead and went to the DIY store with my husband instead. I’ve left him painting downstairs whilst I came up to do some sewing, and there in my scrap basket (of all places!) was the camera lead.
So I can now show you the pictures of the advent calender. The calendar itself was a gift from my dad’s wife in 2003 when our children arrived. Her mum had made one for her children, and so Jane wanted to make one for ours. Its a beautiful pieced calendar with rings on which to hang the gifts. Money being a little more tight this year we went with more ‘chocolate’ than gifts, but I still think it’s worked really well. In fact the children will probably appreciate this more as we don’t tend to do ’sweets’ in our house.
So last night was the night, armed with supplies of gold tissue paper, gold curling ribbon, sellotape, numbered stickers, sweets, Cadbury’s Chocolate Fingers (for us) and “I’m a Celebrity” on tv, we settled down for a good hour of wrapping.
We decided against wrapping the candy canes, or the Father Christmas chocolates – they looked too nice to cover up! Plus wrapping 48 small parcels can get a bit labourious. Anyhows, in between sips of Amaretto, chocolate fingers and the bush tucker trial we managed to get all the gifts numbered, wrapped and finally on to the calendar.
Now we’ve just got to wait till 1st December, oh and paint the front room before then too!
November 24, 2008
You’ll know recently that an enforced break made me reconsider myself and my future, well one of the things I have been working on are some new designs and whilst I’m not ready to show them to you all, I thought this might just wet your appetite just a little – though you really will have to forgive my incredibly hastily drawn images!
These are destined to become little (or not so little) zipped purses. The sort that you can either stuff your change and notes into, or possibly your phone and lippy, or other girly essentials.
Whilst they are hastily drawn, I’m still hopeful that you’ll be able to identify the Union Jack at the top, followed by the strand of bunting – not sure if I’ll sew all the triangles, or let them flap in the ‘breeze’, a summery inspired non-dripping, non- fattening ice cream cone, a jokey ‘fancy’ pants purse and finally something a little more refined, with a ribbon band, ribbon bow and eventually a button middle.
November 23, 2008
I awoke this morning to a smattering of snow on the ground, sadly that has melted away with all the rain that has now fallen, but nonetheless, we had snow. Today. The day of the Advent Calendar. Oh glory be – it feels like Christmas is coming now.
I can’t actually post about the calendar right now. I have a little person (okay, not really so little) floating around me. “I’m not reading your post mum…” “honest”
However, I’ll be back later with pictures of it. So see you later – I’m off to update the iPod with Christmas music, and to lay a fire for later.
November 22, 2008
Bah humbug to the rain that means there are no photos yet of the new tea and coffee cosies or the table runner I made earlier. However a post from Mary Beth has prompted me to write my own gift post.
When our children first arrived with us they came with so many broken toys. All cheap, brightly coloured, plastic toys. They’d developed a mentality that it “didn’t matter” if things got broken, because they hadn’t learnt to value them, and anyhow – they’d be replaced. We knew this, we understood it, it was poles apart from our own values – but it was what they knew. We understood too that we could change this attitude, but that it would take time. So, we warned all the relatives NOT to buy lots of things for the children at Christmas, maybe clothes, or some money so we could have an ‘experience’ – a trip to the zoo, pantomime, things to create new memories. The relatives didn’t listen – from their perspective, they knew we’d longed for children for so long, and here were these two adorable children, 5 and 3 years old, and every child loves Christmas, and ours had had such a terrible start that they needed spoiling. So we were overloaded with gifts, people had been so so generous. We spent a couple of days opening the gifts just so that they (and us) could take it all in. We wrote thank you letters afterwards. By the end of January 2004 most of the wonderful things they’d recieved just weeks before were broken or languishing uncared for in their rooms, and it was heart breaking – for us. They were not concerned at all.
This was a pattern that repeated every birthday and Christmas, and boy, did it hurt. It didn’t matter whether the gift was from us, relatives, friends nor did it matter how much it cost. Our children were not able to appreciate it – they didn’t believe that they deserved the gift. We were left with double hurt – sadness that our children felt they were so worthless that they were not worth the gifts they received, and dreading the questions from relatives – “did they like ….” knowing that you either lied to them to spare their feelings, or upset them with the truth. Finally 5 years on, we’ve reached a breakthrough. We were seriously drastic (and ‘draconian’ by others views!) and removed ALL toys, clothes, books from their rooms in May this year. They were left with school uniform and two outfits for other days, two books and a cuddly toy for night time. Please remember we’d also had a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder by this time too! I kept a box of lego in the front room and a box of paper, pencils and plasticine in the kitchen. The children were with me every hour they weren’t at school and little by little they have learnt to appreciate the few things they have. Books have become a treasured possession to while away the time, to escape into. Pictures are no longer a quick scribble on a big sheet of paper, but beautiful scenes, or lots of doodles! Clothes too are more valued and school uniform is being brought home from school daily, rather than being left all over the building. We’re relaxed a bit now and they now have more things – but no so many as to overwhelm.
I guess what I’m trying to say in this ramble of a post is that if you are ever asked by a parent not to buy a gift, there is a reason behind it, and as much as you as the gift giver enjoy purchasing, wrapping and giving a gift sometimes, and very sadly, receiving a gift can cause distress. For our son’s recent birthday our relatives finally ‘got’ it – and we had the nicest day ever. I shied away from posting about it, not wanting to jinx it in any way. However two weeks on, I still feel it was the BEST birthday we’ve ever had.
Finding the scooter in the larder, having just unwrapped an empty box!
One gift from us – a scooter, that he is thrilled with, plus a small gift from my father and his wife and one from his Godmother. Everyone else that would normally buy a gift sent him money. He wants to learn to ski (well he wanted to learn to snowboard first, but then decided he’d rather learn skiing first!), and this will enable us to get him some lessons. Something that we couldn’t have afforded to do on our own. We went to his favourite Chinese for a meal, where he indulged in lots of duck pancakes – with oodles of plum sauce!
Topped off by being sung “Happy Birthday” by the restaurant and a giant sparkler!
Then home for cake and bed!
November 20, 2008
For a while I’ve been wanting to make a quilt, I tried patchworking many many years ago in lunchtime class ran by my maths teacher, who enjoyed quilting in her spare time. I’m afraid to say we did not get much done, we discovered instead that a group of 15 year old girls and a wonderful teacher have a tendency to gossip far more than cut, piece and sew. My ‘quilt’ ended up being about 8″ square and was lost to the bottom of the wardrobe. Then I saw a beautiful double wedding ring quilt and thought – I can do that. Nothing like starting simply! My aim was to finish the quilt and put it in my bottom drawer/hope chest. It is worth noting at this point that as a teenager I was very much into romanticism, Merchant Ivory films, books by the Austin sisters, E M Forster and the like, I’d absorbed books such as ‘Little Women’, ‘What Katy Did’, ‘Milly Molly Mandy’ and longed to have lived in an earlier age. Needless to say that this project fell by the wayside too.
So, I’m a little fearful of attempting yet another quilt. I’m sure it will be very good for me to actually finish one, but I’ve set myself a rather tight deadline. I need to have this quilt finished by the end of January for my daughters 11th birthday. I can’t put it off any longer. We had a session yesterday (forgive the tangent) with her therapist where she was talking about her dream for the future, which wonderfully involves her buying the house next door so she can live by us always, with her brother living on the other side. So us in the middle with both children either side of us. We live at number 11, and she is to be 11 on her next birthday, and driving away from the session I thought how wonderful it would be to make her a quilt, and on the reverse piece 3 houses with a number 11 in the middle. A little nod to this dream of her’s, but one that she need not look at all the time – particularly if she is feeling vexed by us (or me, more likely!). Maybe a quilt that can bring her a little comfort in her dark times.
Any references to some simple quilting help would be most gratefully received. I’ll post regular updates here – and please ‘poke’ me if I don’t!! I’m off for a day out with my husband now, but I’ll be back later for some serious internet searching
November 17, 2008
Well better late than never! I know I was supposed to have written about my new tea cosies earlier, however our daughter decided to have an ‘episode’ on Thursday night and broke her glitter lamp, the contents of which spilled onto one of her electrical sockets and fused the entire electrics in the house. We were able to isolate the ring that her electrics are on, but the flip side to that was that it meant my studio/work area at the top of the home also had no electrics. No electics meant no computer – well there was the laptop, but I couldn’t remember the password to log in and blog 
anyhows, electrics are all sorted now, and so here I am again
Being without electric also affected my ability to sew, so I’ve only got two to show for now. The green one is using some beautiful fabric from Tanya Whelan. More of these in the other colourways/designs will be coming this week, however they’ll all be different, and thus one off’s!
The second range is using some absolutely gorgeous silk I brought back from Cambodia when I was there a couple of years ago. I had the idea then of fusing an everyday item with a splash of luxury, but couldn’t work out exactly what it would be. Until I sat down, holding the said silk, whilst drinking a cup of tea. The silk is a wonderous petrol blue with a delicate sheen. The first off the sewing machine was a combo of Cath Kidston roses in blue, lined with the silk, with a flash of silk on the outer too. I can’t help but smile at this cosy, for something so mundane to have such a luxurous lining, it’s just got to make anyone smile. More of these to come too, together with cosy’s for cafetieres (french coffee presses).
My gorgous tags arrived too from Zoopri – the quality and finish is just perfect, now I just need for my fabric labels to arrive and then I’m all set to go, go, go!
